Wednesday Fog

I'm looking out my 'office' window, It's 9:07 a.m., and from my perch, I can see Noe Valley, part of Diamond Heights, and points, the highest ones, of Bernal Heights - normally. Except today, the fog sitting over Noe Valley has yet to wear off. It shows no sign of wearing off today.

There's something insistently comforting about fog - it demands stillness, reflection.

I've got tons of work to get through, media outlets to contact to publicize my event, volunteers to organize, vendors to secure - still vendors to secure. And what do I do? I stare out my window and contemplate my dream where I saw my mother, she was being whisked into a door for a doctor's appointment, and I followed, seconds behind, but no one could tell me if she was there. I know she's there - I saw her go in. I want so badly to see her. I search and search, no one can confirm that she was there. I so want to see her. I'm angry and confront medical staff, I spent the rest of my dream trying to find her, angry that they could not manage their caseloads, nor track patients - and angry that they kept me from my mother.

I woke up feeling sad, knowing I'll see her only again only if my dreams open up to me. And I hope this time I can find her, and sit with her and chat, and ask her if I was a good daughter - I feel like I failed her, at the very end when she needed me most, needed me at my best, and my most resilient, my strongest - her advocate - I failed her.

I feel like a child. I need that blanket the fog is offering me. I want only to go back to bed, bury my head beneath the blanket, and dream.

I hope the fog lingers at least a bit longer.

Spring Wednesday...

I'm still in San Francisco, feeling detached because I've been away from home so long - often feeling like I'm just waiting for the next day to get more work done, then the next, and the next. Until I my work is done up here, and I finally get to go home - until I have to come back up.

I got up ready to tackle my computer, and noticed I hadn't taken out one bag of trash - and the trash trucks were due any minute. I ran outside and ran head on to the sounds of Spring. I know it's not spring just yet - but don't tell that to the birds.

It was glorious. Trees line this street, up and down this hilly street in Noe Valley, there are trees. Needless to say, there are leaves all over the street, the sidewalk -- everywhere (my car)- and it seems each tree had a different chirping or birdsong coming from it.

The chill is mild as San Francisco mornings go, so, in essence, the morning is glorious. God, I love mornings like this.

And, my coffee is good - almost perfect. I think I found the trick to a good home-made cup of coffee. The coffee is from Bernie's on 24th Street in Noe Valley. I'd been struggling for the last 5 months to get it right. Alas, I think I've gotten it. It's been hard getting measurements just right, blends just right and the ground just right. I thought it was the coffee, but it turns out it's the metal coffee filters my hosts use in the coffee maker. Perfection happened for the first time on Sunday, when I was headed to a Quilt Show at the convention center - ah, what a glorious cup of coffee.

Anyway, my coffee is good, the morning is good, I got to write this morning, Wednesday, which I hadn't been doing....so it's all good.

A presto!

What's a girl to do?

Life's tough. That's all there is to it.

But what can I do? Nothing else to do, except suck it up and keep going.

Like tonight. I spent a two hour evening at the opening of Reposado, a fantastically designed, Mexican cuisine restaurant, in Palo Alto.

None of this Latin Cuisine stuff. This was pure and simple Mexican Cuisine straight up --done up a notch. And I mean Cuisine. The planning team on this restaurant got it right. From concept to menu, it's amazing.

I always thought I hated Salmon - not after tonight. What I hated was poorly done salmon. The salmon I had tonight was light, slightly flaky, rolled in a light (oh, so, so light) crust, which I couldn't quite discern, then grilled in light oil, which didn't detract from the flavor of the salmon, and just enough to cook it and transfer the grill flavor onto the crust.

Now, for someone like me who generally dislikes seafood, for whom even the smell of cooking fish triggers gag reflexes, a definite turn-off is the 'ocean taste,' whose idea of seafood was canned tuna with a ton of mayonnaise to mask the seafood taste (until I finally gave up on it altogether - I mean, what was the point), a detraction from the seafood taste is what I always hoped for. Through no fault of their own, the very unique seafood feature is the very thing that turns me off. A friend of mine, D, has been trying to convince me for the last four years or so, that fish done right, does not taste like the ocean. Tonight I discovered what she meant.

I tried it (to my credit, I've been broadening my palate and trying seafood and meat dishes, mostly because my upbringing makes it difficult for me to say No once a dish has been placed before as a gesture of welcome - more on that later. But it's good to note a childhood defects can sometimes work in our favor.) I pick up the crust with my fork, with a small bit of the salmon and placed it on my tongue. Surprise. To be sure I was tasting what I was tasting, I picked up a larger second piece, mostly salmon this time and let it linger on in my mouth for a bit. Dear god, is this what I have been missing because I believed I didn't like salmon?

I love it when I'm happy because I was proven wrong.

Then there were the Tamalitos - mushroom with guajillo chile sauce, and a chicken in green tomatillo sauce - I can't describe this tamalito other than to say, it's as if the chicken were the foundation, but without ever overpowering the masa - and a corn masa on both tamalitos, was to die for. I am a corn fanatic - trust me when I say, this masa was excellent.

I was at Reposado with a colleague for the formal restaurant opening. Deagon, the restaurant's consultant who had invited us, asked if we might suggest which tamale Reposado's chef might enter for the tamale tasting event I help organize. That, I'm sorry to say, was not possible. I was of no help. Each was delicious, each for its own reason. But as small as they were, they were 'tamalitos' afterall (small/appetizer size tamales.) they packed a world of texture and flavor - Chef Arnulfo will have to decide on the entry on his own. Either way he goes, it'll be a good choice.

The design concept was incredible. The designer, Brian, did an amazing job by maintaining the integrity of the focal points of the building, high beams, exposed cement, and upstairs seating with an incredible point of view - over the entire restaurant, and kept the ceilings high, exposing wood-beams, giving the space a modern feel, but managing somehow to allow it to work in traditional ways with deep, rich colors of Mexico (again, done up a notch - new in a modern sort of way.) I notice lighting. So many restaurants ruin the feel they tried to create with bad lighting. With so much care that goes into the design of a place, why do people stop short at lighting. Brian, I'm happy to say, didn't. the lighting is amazing, with the right touches, and concentrated upward, not recessed lighting, it's literally focused upward so that the diners are washed in the light that cascades from the high beamed cieling.

A private dining space is to be found on the second floor. Large enough for a wedding rehearsal dinner, small enough to feel intimate - with your own bar up on the second floor. Dios mio!

There are several focal points in this restaurant - the one front and center tonight, was the family style Chef's Table located in front of the glass encased kitchen. It's a 12-14 foot long table, about four feet high - a table designed for comfort, but also with relaxed interaction between thorse diners in mind. This is accomplished by the use of stools instead of chairs. The height also facilitates standing -- a come as you wish table, just come and be with us, is what this table tells me. This concept felt very much like the mexican restaurants I had occasion to visit on a visit to Mexico - and also very European - I love this concept.

I'm telling you, life is tough. But I'm not a quitter. I'm determined to make a go of this new career - fundraising through events for my organization, chopping my way through new dining experiences, trying dishes I never even knew I liked.

But, I don't know how much longer I can tolerate all this tasting I have to do, and discovering, and exploring and sampling, oh yeah, and vino, then there's the vino. You see what I'm saying?

Tell, me, what am I supposed to do?

I know what I will have to do though, hazards of the job: I caught a glimpse of the back side of the bar and noticed some pretty high-end Tequilas - this girl is going to have to make a second trip to Reposado - for a full dish of that salmon I didn't know I liked, and a shot or two of that top shelf tequila - just to be sure, you know?!